Your Child is NOT Broken--Say it again--Your child is NOT BROKEN
Hi Mama (and Papa too),
You're exhausted. Every bit of everything you have is drained from you each and every day--boy do I hear that. Loud and clear my friend, loud and clear. It seems no matter how much you do it's just not enough. It wasn't supposed to be this way--when we brought that beautiful bundle home from the hospital it was supposed to be complete bliss. And it was--for a while right?
Then you started to notice that something seemed off as he got a little bit older...he was unusually loud, or had really intense tantrums. His body never stopped moving--like EVER. If she wasn't jumping on the furniture she was literally climbing on everything she could. And sleep? WHAT THE HECK IS THAT...thats like not a thing--at least until like 11pm or maybe even midnight. Drained--exhausted.
Then theres the memory--he doesn't have one. Especially as he starts to get older and SHOULD be able to handle more responsibility--it's just not there. You know you can only give him one direction at a time, and you're lucky if there is success there.
She seems constantly frustrated, and can get so negative about everything. She is easily competitive with others, and is easily angered and jealous when she doesn't come out on top--which sadly is quite often. It's not that she isn't capable, it's more that she just acts so impulsively to try and match up to the other kids she is unaware of her own performance.
And the lying--oh, the lying. And often so darn bad at it too! No mama, they aren't budding sociopaths--in fact it is just the opposite...they are so sensitive to disappointing others because they feel like they do it so often that they want to feel some sort of success--and their thinking (their executive funtioning) is just not firing properly to help them understand that is a backwards trip to success.
Friendships get hard. As the kids mature and grow you notice that your child is left behind more and more often--their heart begins to hurt, and you begin to hurt for them.
Mama, where did you go wrong? Why have you failed your child? Well--first of all , you absolutely didn't. You did nothing wrong, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with your child. He is not broken. She is not damaged. None of that is true. If I were to go out on a limb and make a bold statement it is this--the world is broken. This world does not know how to manage children who are more, who are extra, who need a lot of persistent guidance. But, you know what us parents who raise these glorious, wonderful, amazing, and yes exhausting humans know. We know there is so much that makes them special. We protect them with everything we have--even if we can't wait for that rare weekend away with grandma (hello sleep and uninterrupted Netflix!)
But there is something we need--we need a community of people like us who experience the same challenges every single day. Who can celebrate our successes. Who understand that going upstairs getting your socks on, brushing your teeth, and grabbing your sweatshirt all in one try is a HUGE Success that deserves celebrating. Because we are reminded all the time where our child fails--and that just hurts us deeply to our core. Because we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our baby is not broken. Our baby is perfect, and our baby is made exactly as he should be.
I would love to invite you to join my up and coming private group for us ADHD parents. Same name as this website. This is designed to be a safe space where we can gather and get the support, love and encouragement we need everyday as ADHD parents. I hope to see you in there! Until then...
Join My Group Here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/embracetheextra
Jamie, CEO and Founder--The ADHD Coterie